*climbs up on my Soapbox*

Dear Parents at Dollar General Picking Out Yet Another $5 Piece of Crap Toy That Your Child Doesn’t Need Just to Shut Him/Her Up:

Stop it.

Stop trying to avoid their efforts towards receiving attention from you with more useless plastic crap so you can keep texting your friends and checking your Facebook.  It’s bad enough that you let them sit in front of a television or with a video game for hours on end at home so that you need not be interrupted; it’s worse that you can’t even perform mundane tasks without distracting your child from YOU.

Wait, please make sure you pause for a moment to take a cute picture with your phone of you and your “babies” who mean the whole world to you so you can post that online as well.  Then check it incessantly to feed your ego with the number of “likes” or heartfelt comments like “Awwwww!  So Sweet!” or, my personal favorite, ” <3 it!”

I want to slap you.

While I’m at it, will you also stop stuffing them full of fast food as a “treat” so you can get them to, again, be quiet and not interrupt you while you’re absorbed in your own interests?   Newsflash:  when they get special fun Kids Meals 5 times a week (complete with additional crappy plastic toys), it stops being a thrill and begins being a lifestyle.

Here’s a great idea:  how about parenting for a change?

Teach them to read. Too young?  Then read to them.  Have them make up a story for you.

Create something.  Get out the cornstarch and food coloring and make some paint or play dough.  Too messy for you?  How about just drawing pictures or coloring in a book?

Get outside.  Take a walk.  Find a playground and play together.  Pitch a tent in the yard, or even in the living room, and have a picnic.  Plant something.

Teach them to cook, or maybe even just to make a sandwich.   Let them stuff some celery, or stir a cake mix, or toss a salad.  They will need to eat their entire lives; teach them how to use a kitchen and do it well.

No matter what you do, try turning your phone off once in awhile.