We have family and friends visit quite often. We love having guests! Some of them, though, need a little orientation to how things work at our house. If you don’t live in a “dog house”, and by that I mean a home that is specifically structured to accommodate a canine element, you may need a few tips to help you acclimate. Here’s a tell-tale list of what to expect:
1. The 33 gallon aluminum trash can on the back porch is not for trash. It’s to store the dog food.
2. We drive a vehicle that seats 7 so that we can fold down the seats and take the dogs with us. Pretty much everywhere.
3. If you don’t want to incite a riot, you must spell the words “walk”, “squirrel”, and “treat”. If you accidentally say them out loud, duck and cover.
4. While it’s still gross, please know that the drops on the toilet seat and the bathroom floor are not urine….they just slobber after they finish drinking from the toilet. Yes, we know that we can close the lid; our dogs are smart (and strong) enough to raise it themselves.
5. If you ask us if we’re sure we locked up the house when we left, we will laugh at you. We pity the fool that chooses to enter our house without our permission.
6. There is dog hair on the furniture. No matter what we do, it’s there. Sure, we could make some futile effort to keep the dogs off of the furniture, but we LIKE having them cuddled up with us on the couch. We DO, however, keep those nifty lint rollers in every room of the house in case someone is foolish enough to wear “nice clothes” at our place.
7. There was not a recent thunderstorm. The branches were drug into the yard by the dogs. They’re toys now. We gather them up and take them into the brush, and they bring them back.
8. Beware of bones. Stepping on a half-chewed soup bone while barefoot is one of life’s most painful experiences.
9. We’ve taught the dogs to do their business in the woods behind the house. Sometimes they forget. Walk through the grass at your own risk, because no “Pooper Scooper” in the world will give us a quote.
10. “Do they bite?” is NOT a realistic question. Every animal with teeth is capable of biting. “Will they bite me?” IS a realistic question. Answer: Only if I tell them to.